Leaving work at work
It can be hard to leave work at work. The idea of a “work-life balance” is problematic because it suggests balance is possible; it also gives this illusion that work isn’t part of life and/or that work is an entity separate from life.
How work creeps into “life”
Like many things, leaving work at work is easier said than accomplished. Doing this arguably became harder in 2020 when folks with office/desk/white collar jobs moved their “offices” to their homes in whatever space was available. Numerous articles during the pandemic included stories about how people worked at all hours because their work was ever present as they looked across their living room or turned a corner of their bedroom into an office. (Non-stop work also can lead to burnout.)
With hybrid schedules, many folks continue doing work at hours normally reserved for parts of life that weren’t (traditionally) for work. Simultaneously, hybrid schedules allow people to intersperse the “life” parts of life throughout their workday. Parents may better attend to their kids’ schedules; people may do laundry or other chores between meetings; folks may take a midday exercise or yoga class. The concept of work-life balance became even harder to define as work (depending on one’s job) entered their home.
Apart from traditional work hours becoming blurred, work surfaces in other areas of “life.” Many folks talk with partners or their friends about what’s happening at work. It’s not usual for friend groups to be composed of folks who share a profession where work is discussed regularly at gatherings. Often, not only are specific work projects discussed but so might be relationships or conflicts with colleagues at work; we often use our communities for sounding boards to help us navigate tough situations, including tough situations taking place in the office. We may have professional colleagues who become friends. When we see them outside of work, it’s hard not to talk about the area of life (i.e. work) where your time overlaps.
Then, there are situations where professional expertise crops up in non-work hours. Sometimes, it may be a family member or friend calling a lawyer to consult about some potential legal issue or calling a doctor to consult about some symptom of illness or a medical issue. (Nevermind that both lawyers and doctors have specialties and can’t always speak to whatever is confronting the friend or family member.) Sometimes, someone works on something that’s publicly visible or accessible, like roadways or traffic signs, that we all encounter in our daily lives. That person may be asked to explain how public goods work or why traffic lights or crosswalks are set up in certain ways.
Further, there are situations where someone’s work crops up outside of work hours without their being asked explicitly by anyone. Depending on one’s job, their work may pop up while they’re watching TV or a movie or reading a book or just going about life. As a therapist and attorney, my jobs are often fodder for others’ entertainment. It pains me when I watch misrepresentations of how therapy or trials work or witness completely unethical behavior in the professions in which I’ve received training. Others also likely have jobs where what they do as an employee pops up in a way outside of their work time. (I imagine for folks in the service industry, they can’t go out to eat without being overtly aware of the service they’re provided.)
Strategies to avoid work creeping into life outside work hours
Trying to separate work hours from non-work hours can be tricky for the reasons outlined above as well as many more. However, there’s several that you can try to implement to maintain some separation if you feel yourself being negatively impacted because of work.
Set boundaries. Depending on how work is creeping into non-work hours, set some boundaries. This might include a time boundary so you only work during certain hours, even if you’re working from home or on a hybrid schedule. If you’re finding yourself answering questions about your professional expertise in social settings, tell folks that you really try to maintain some separation. Or tell folks that for your own peace of mind and mental well-being, you want to be a complete and full person outside work which means you don’t want to provide professional consultations on weekends or at a party. If you know that a book, TV show, or movie will focus on topics related to your work, decide whether you’re in the mood or mental place for that. If you’re a lawyer who knows you’re bothered by inaccurate witness questioning or “evidence” that a jury would actually never be permitted to consider, don’t watch a courtroom drama.
Practice mindfulness. Many of us will begin thinking about something or ruminating without realizing we’re doing it. We get wrapped up in our thoughts, which may lead to unpleasant emotional responses about those thoughts thereby creating a spiral it’s hard to leave. For example, we might start talking with a partner about a work conflict and what led to it, which brings up the same frustration or anger or helplessness we felt while sitting at our desk earlier that day. Establishing a mindfulness practice can help you realize when your mind starts down a path that you may know isn’t going to lead somewhere you want to go. You don’t necessarily have to avoid talking to your partner about the conflict, but you may wish to attend to how much you’re sharing or with what purpose. By being more aware of the thoughts and feelings, you may choose to interrupt them at an earlier point. You may still choose to tell your partner about the conflict, but you may realize they don’t need to know all the details (because bringing those up is going to aggravate you without benefiting them) to be able to respond in a helping or affirming way.
Accept the lack of separation and engage in otherwise meaningful activities. Sometimes, it’s going to be inevitable that work creeps into non-work time. You may not be able to compartmentalize work from non-work as cleanly as you wish, so you just need to accept that thoughts of work will enter your mind. Or that you need more working hours to complete a specific work project. If this is the case, you may benefit by just accepting that work can’t be neatly separated from other parts of your life, and the best way to deal with that may be ensuring your life remains full in other ways. Make the most of non-work time by engaging in your hobbies in the time available or cherish the time you have available for friends or your partner or your family. If you’re finding yourself overwhelmed or that this lack of separation is harmful, acknowledge that and try to figure out what else may help.
These are a couple tools if you feel like work is encroaching too much on your non-work time or infiltrating your thoughts when you don’t want it to be. In addition to these, working with a coach or therapist can be helpful in trying to change how you relate to your work outside of working hours or in parts of your life you want separate from work.